DISCLAIMER: This site does not reflect the thoughts or
opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote
me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; this document
is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this
page and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit
from it or include the page in commercial publications without written
permission from the President; other copyright laws for specific pages
apply wherever noted; pages are subject to change without notice; pages
are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons,
living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only,
tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage
may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this site
offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; site is
provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes
full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal
opportunity page employer; no shoes, no shirt, no pages; quantities are
limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt
to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized page service center;
caveat emptor; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics;
text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental
guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children;
limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you
need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included;
action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; safety goggles
may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the
safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a
rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only
with proper ventilation; avoid exterme temperatures and store in a cool
dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact
with mucous membranes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120
degrees Fahreheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; smoking
these pages may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second
only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text used in these pages
is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals
were used to test the hilarity of these pages; no salt, MSG, artificial
color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms
persist, consult a humorologist; pages are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery
when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal;
site offer valid only at participating E-mail sites; slightly higher west
of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not
cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake,
flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage
from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect
line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations,
electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that
are not covered in the disclaimer, and incidents owing to airplane crash,
ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling
rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item;
other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, lighten
up, get a life, and move on.